Life In Recovery: No More Hospital

I started Life In Recovery with the sole aim to help people find hope and help if they (or their loved ones) were struggling with a long-term illness. I have been quite careful (and conscious) that I use my own experiences to that end, while not making this corner of the internet about me. That is why I have never said my name, nor shared a lot of intimate detail about my past, present or future life; I have always felt that would get in the way of providing help and hope, and it isn't something I find comfortable. However, there have been times when I have shared some of my more personal moments; for example, my anniversary posts (check out year one, year two, year three, and year four if you've missed them). This week marked another big moment in my recovery, and I wanted to share some of the words I wrote to friends and family members on here too - as you, and this blog, have also been part of the story.

"I bet you all thought you'd got away without another of these streams of consciousness until my next anniversary post in August, but no...

Today marks a big moment in my recovery; my last hospital appointment. I told my doctor I felt I was ready to stop attending appointments back in May, and it's taken eight months to get to this point. After years of meetings and treatment since my discharge as an inpatient in August 2013, to say that the relationship my doctor and I built during the past four years (a momentous period of my life) became a very important one, is an understatement. Finishing that chapter, and leaving that relationship, has been a big step; but one that I chose and feel ready for. Today I said goodbye to my doctor (with smiles, tears and big hugs), today I was able to try and thank my doctor, today I moved into a new phase of my life, today I reflected on how far I've come and today I was made to realise just how far that is. If you're reading this, it means you've been part of the story so far (even if it's just been in the last chapter, or the latest page), and it means you'll be part of the rest of my onward (and hospital-less) life. For that I thank you, and I'm so excited to see where life takes us all. It's been an incredibly emotional day; I've been through stacks of tissues...but now it's time to dry my eyes and look forward. Anyway, here ends the thought-vomit, it just leaves me to say how grateful I feel to be where I am in my life, and to say a very heartfelt and extra-special thank you to those of you who helped me get here - I couldn't have done it without you. "

This is how I felt on Wednesday afternoon. I do, however, want to write up how I am feeling now - a couple of days later - and also see how I feel in a couple of weeks, so there will be another blog post on that in the next month or so. 

Also, keep your eyes out for a separate piece coming very soon about how I said goodbye to that doctor/patient relationship and my thoughts on how important that relationship can be...

Have their been therapeutic relationships you've found hard to let go?

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Reflections - things I learned from 2016

Here is the second instalment of my 'Reflecting on 2016' series. If you didn't catch the first one, listing some of my favourite things click here, and if you want to read my life lessons from 2015, and see if I repeat any (I did have to check myself) then click here...

• Being a student isn't all laughter and hanging out with your mates

• Being a student isn't all studying and hanging out in the library

• You can't make yourself feel more for someone than you do, however much you may want to

• Grief can hit you out of the blue

• I don't like my family living in different countries

• Change is good

• I'm learning to love LinkedIn

• My intuition/gut instinct is spookily correct

• Law degrees are hard work

• Goodbyes are never easy

• I somehow know enough about make-up that I got offered a job at Space NK on a window-shopping trip

• Just because someone has done a "bad" thing, it doesn't make them a "bad" person

• Sometimes you have to go further into something to get closure/know where you stand/know how you feel

• I look younger than I am

• 'Feeling the fear and doing it anyway' is harder than it sounds

• I'm more comfortable with being wrong, or looking silly, than I ever have been

• I don't always practise what I preach

• When you know, you know, and don't let anyone (including yourself) convince you that you don't

• I have a fantastic NHS doctor (not a new lesson)

• It takes me a while to open up, and that's okay (another not new lesson)

• I love an afternoon of batch-cooking

• Flu over Christmas and New Year is the worst

• I'm one of life's feeders/looker-afterers

• It's enough for things to be 'good enough'

• It's okay to feel like you've made a mistake 

• I'd rather try than not

• I'm still finding my balance

• I'm still finding my health

• I can be made speechless

• I can achieve things I thought were impossible for me

• There is always a positive to every negative

• This year has far outweighed my expectations

• I am now sufficiently enough of a grown-up that if I get a bad haircut, I don't cry

• I am not sufficiently enough of a grown-up when it comes to needing help with my CV

• Inside me is a lioness that I am able to tap into more and more

• Life is still an incredible, surprising and wonderful thing (and far too much has happened this year for me to neatly sum it up in these lessons)

What life lessons did 2016 bring for you?

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
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Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
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Filming one second of life every day

I can't take credit for the originality of the idea to film one second a day from my life for a year...I stole it from a friend. But I loved the idea so much, and I'm enjoying the experience enough, to want to write a quick piece about the whys and wherefores of it all!

What?

The idea is to film a second each and every day of ANYTHING that takes your fancy/makes you smile/will remind you of the day/is a bit odd/etc. My clips to date include: llamas, the countryside, fairy lights, food, friends, family and travelling. I've decided to film general, un-themed clips of my life, but other people have filmed their children growing up, their holidays, their pregnancies, their pets, their wedding preparations...there's no limit!

Why?

I thought it was such a lovely idea; to have a little film filled with snippets of my life to look back on. Two of my favourite ever posts so far (to write) have been my 'Things I learned from 2015' and 'Favourites of 2015' and so the concept of creating a video version of these seemed perfect. 

There have been some days this year I'd have rather forgotten existed and the last thing I felt like doing was getting my phone out to record a slice of the day. But, having committed (I feel I have anyway!) to find a second a day I want to remember and record has meant I have managed to find a teensy 'something' in each and every day. A 'something' that, although not always much, will help me to remember and mark that day for what it was. Whether it was a plate of cheese and biscuits late at night or a bunch of sunny, yellow, happy daffodils on a particularly sad day. It's made me more observant, more aware of my surroundings and more keen to find something life-enhancing or positive in each day. 

How?

This is where the idea gets technical...but not too technical! I use the app 1 Second Everyday to film, trim, store (and remind me to record) my second every day. I believe there are other apps which do the same thing, this is just the one I use. I find the app pretty easy to use and it's free; so that's a win-win! The app comes with a calendar (see my screenshot below) that allows you to film and then trim videos on each day. Then, at any time, you can choose to condense these seconds into one film at the press of a button. You can see from the screenshot that your calendar will fill up with videos as and when you film them - I'm writing this on Saturday 2nd April, so you can see that there's an orange corner on today's date and the boxes from 3rd April onwards contain no videos. This way you can easily keep track of where you are. 

My top two tips are: 

1. You can actually have 1.5 seconds (makes a loooot of difference, believe me!) you just need to click the 1S button on the trimming screen to change it to 1.5S. Thanks to my friend for pointing this out to me. D'oh!

2. (and something I've only just discovered a way around) You need an internet connection to open the app and record directly, but fear not - I would recommend you film using your normal phone camera instead of the app. All videos you've filmed outside of the app sync to the app on their corresponding days anyway, so you'll never miss a stand-out second because your internet has gone up the spout!

When?

I decided to film from my birthday this year to my birthday next year. However, you can start any time you like! And if you miss the odd day - so what? I think the key is that you enjoy the process of creating the film and creating a visual time-capsule, not that it becomes a chore or something you must or ought to do.

If you were to film a second of today, what would you choose to record or remember?

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
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Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
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Work: How to apply for a job if you've been chronically ill

If you've got to the stage where your health permits you to seek out work, then this video contains some helpful guidance on how to frame your ill-health.

Useful Links:

http://www.theguardian.com/careers/careers-blog/disclosing-illness-to-employer

http://www.reed.co.uk/career-advice/blog/2013/march/how-to-explain-a-gap-in-your-cv

http://www.irishjobs.ie/careeradvice/writing-a-cv-if-you-have-been-long-term-unemployed-or-on-long-term-sick-leave/

http://www.michaelpage.co.uk/career-centre/cover-letter-and-cv-advice/how-to-explain-gaps-in-employment-on-your-cv

I really hope you enjoy watching the videos and that they can help you or someone you know. I would love to hear from you if you have anything you would like to say, so please do leave a comment below.

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/Recovering_Life
Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
Email - yourlifeinrecovery@gmail.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Recovering.Life

Anniversary - two years on from hospital...

This time last year I uploaded a post that I had written on my personal Facebook page to mark the one year anniversary of leaving hospital. I wrote a pre-cursor to this saying:
"I have just written a 'status update' on my personal Facebook page to my friends and it occurred to me that I also want to say thank you to all of YOU. So I'm going to paste in what I wrote word-for-word on here. 
This isn't something I thought I would ever feel comfortable doing. I try to keep Life In Recovery and my personal life reasonably separate. Not because I am ashamed of the blog but because I think it works better if I don't use this as a platform to air my private life and that I use my past and present experiences in a constructive way to help others who may be struggling. That won't be changing.
Keeping this blog, creating videos and posting little (or a lotta) bits on Twitter has been an absolutely wonderful experience. I hope to continue the work I have only just started and love interacting and discovering all of you 'out there.' This is why I felt it was relevant to post the message I sent to my friends and family to you all as well."

You can read last years full post here in all it's gushy glory!

I am not going to re-word that pre-cursor for this year, as I think it sums up exactly how I feel now. Again, this is not something I would usually do (or feel comfortable with) but it does seem very appropriate and something I want to share on this platform. 

So, for a second year running, here goes...

"Some of you may know that today marks a significant anniversary for me. Today - August 5th - marks two years since I was discharged from hospital. (And no, don't worry...I'm not going to be doing this every year..!)

Last year I wrote about how thankful, amazed and appreciative I was to have a chance to live a happy and full life. Nothing about that has changed. Except maybe that I am more sure, more certain and more definite that that 'chance' is now more of a certainty - I am living, and will continue to live, that happy and full life thanks to so many people.

If I thought that first year out of hospital was an eventful and momentous one then I was unprepared for this year! I have no words left to describe how this second year has been. It has been indescribably *more* than I ever expected.

I don't want to bleat on about each individual milestone or experience...you were probably witness to a lot of those anyway! What I do want to say is that the last year was one of the best years of my life. That's not to say that it was perfect and it has had it's rocky patches, but that only makes the year all the more real and true. Those difficult times have taught me a lot, both about myself and others, and they have made the countless wonderful and overwhelmingly positive times so much more authentic. At times I have been unable to contain my excitement and happiness about everything that has happened this year. I have often had to pinch myself and I continue to be amazed and humbled by all the loveliness!

Just as I did last time, I want to thank you all for your friendship, support and for the shared experiences we have had together. I have met lots of amazing people this year who, along with the lovely people who read my post last year, have added so much to this year.

To the friends and family who have seen up close the changes these past couple of years have brought and who've been there with a solid shoulder, a helping hand, a beaming smile or a thumbs up - thank you.

I think the phrase 'wonderful and overwhelmingly positive' pretty much sums up the year. I'm so excited and curious to see what this next year will bring us all."

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/Recovering_Life
Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
Email - yourlifeinrecovery@gmail.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Recovering.Life

Are making New Year's Resolutions the healthiest way to start your year?

I didn't want the first week of 2014 to pass without writing something about people's fixations for making New Year's Resolutions every year. Don't mistake me in thinking that I'm a cynical and pessimistic kind of person, New Year's Resolutions are a great way to embrace the new year with a list of the things you really want to achieve, work on, experience etc. However, when did it become socially unacceptable to not make resolutions? 

At the beginning of every year the inevitable question is asked by others "So what are your New Year's Resolutions this year?" and the general consensus if your answer is "I'm actually not making any resolutions this year" is that you either aren't ambitious, steadfast, future-thinking or motivated enough or you are depressed about the new year. These may be partly true or all true, you may be dreading the year ahead or you may not want to or feel the need to change anything in your life. On the other hand your aims for the coming year may not be as clear and concrete in your mind as in others. You may just have a general idea of where you would like to be in your life. Just because you haven't sat down and plotted out this next year doesn't mean you don't have hopes and dreams of the future. It doesn't mean that you are blindly entering 2014 with no direction. It doesn't mean that you are accepting that you can't get better/be better/feel better. It doesn't mean part of you has thrown in the towel or is apathetic about life. And it doesn't make you any worse than other people who have made New Year's Resolutions.

Another point that comes to mind when thinking about New Year's Resolutions involves the words 'pressure' and 'fail.' Does it really help people live happy and fulfilling lives for there to be so much pressure surrounding keeping New Year's Resolutions? Being branded or branding yourself as a failure if you don't manage to attain all your resolutions for the year is such a negative cycle to get into. Doing a quick search online for statistics in relation to New Year's Resolutions there are numerous articles and lots of research into how many people achieve all the goals they set themselves at the beginning of the year. A study in 2007 at Bristol University found that 88% (out of the 3000 involved) did not keep their resolutions, other statistics suggest as little as 8% of people who make resolutions actually succeed in their target. Articles giving advice on being successful in achieving them are generally titled along the lines of 'Why New Year's Resolutions fail. Here's how not to fail yours.' and 'Only ...% of people succeed in their New Year's goals. Our advice on how to be one of them.' The articles may be fantastic and may contain lots of useful tips and advice on keeping to your goals but it does create a sense that there's an 'us' and a 'them' scenario. Of the people who make resolutions there becomes two groups, those who 'fail' and those who 'succeed.'

I think a more healthy way of approaching New Year's Resolutions is to keep any ideas achievable and more general. For example instead of saying that you would like to run this year's London Marathon in under 6 hours why not make it that you would like to just run more. Or instead of setting a target to cut out dairy, wheat and sugar from your diet you could make it a little more flexible by cutting down on them by not buying cakes or cheese with your usual shopping or just eliminating one of them as a more manageable goal. I think the most important thing to do is to not think that it's the be-all and end-all to set and achieve New Year's Resolutions. A few little targets are a great thing to keep in mind throughout the year as a motivational tool but not as a way to beat yourself up or make yourself feel like an underachiever or failure. In conclusion, if you're going to make New Year's Resolutions this year then try to make them more realistic and attainable. Having someone who knows what it is you want to achieve can be a helpful thing or doing something as a joint resolution can be a more fun and fulfilling pursuit than going solo.

Whatever your wishes and goals for 2014 I hope that it's a wonderful year for you all.