Life In Recovery: No More Hospital

I started Life In Recovery with the sole aim to help people find hope and help if they (or their loved ones) were struggling with a long-term illness. I have been quite careful (and conscious) that I use my own experiences to that end, while not making this corner of the internet about me. That is why I have never said my name, nor shared a lot of intimate detail about my past, present or future life; I have always felt that would get in the way of providing help and hope, and it isn't something I find comfortable. However, there have been times when I have shared some of my more personal moments; for example, my anniversary posts (check out year one, year two, year three, and year four if you've missed them). This week marked another big moment in my recovery, and I wanted to share some of the words I wrote to friends and family members on here too - as you, and this blog, have also been part of the story.

"I bet you all thought you'd got away without another of these streams of consciousness until my next anniversary post in August, but no...

Today marks a big moment in my recovery; my last hospital appointment. I told my doctor I felt I was ready to stop attending appointments back in May, and it's taken eight months to get to this point. After years of meetings and treatment since my discharge as an inpatient in August 2013, to say that the relationship my doctor and I built during the past four years (a momentous period of my life) became a very important one, is an understatement. Finishing that chapter, and leaving that relationship, has been a big step; but one that I chose and feel ready for. Today I said goodbye to my doctor (with smiles, tears and big hugs), today I was able to try and thank my doctor, today I moved into a new phase of my life, today I reflected on how far I've come and today I was made to realise just how far that is. If you're reading this, it means you've been part of the story so far (even if it's just been in the last chapter, or the latest page), and it means you'll be part of the rest of my onward (and hospital-less) life. For that I thank you, and I'm so excited to see where life takes us all. It's been an incredibly emotional day; I've been through stacks of tissues...but now it's time to dry my eyes and look forward. Anyway, here ends the thought-vomit, it just leaves me to say how grateful I feel to be where I am in my life, and to say a very heartfelt and extra-special thank you to those of you who helped me get here - I couldn't have done it without you. "

This is how I felt on Wednesday afternoon. I do, however, want to write up how I am feeling now - a couple of days later - and also see how I feel in a couple of weeks, so there will be another blog post on that in the next month or so. 

Also, keep your eyes out for a separate piece coming very soon about how I said goodbye to that doctor/patient relationship and my thoughts on how important that relationship can be...

Have their been therapeutic relationships you've found hard to let go?

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Reflections - things I learned from 2016

Here is the second instalment of my 'Reflecting on 2016' series. If you didn't catch the first one, listing some of my favourite things click here, and if you want to read my life lessons from 2015, and see if I repeat any (I did have to check myself) then click here...

• Being a student isn't all laughter and hanging out with your mates

• Being a student isn't all studying and hanging out in the library

• You can't make yourself feel more for someone than you do, however much you may want to

• Grief can hit you out of the blue

• I don't like my family living in different countries

• Change is good

• I'm learning to love LinkedIn

• My intuition/gut instinct is spookily correct

• Law degrees are hard work

• Goodbyes are never easy

• I somehow know enough about make-up that I got offered a job at Space NK on a window-shopping trip

• Just because someone has done a "bad" thing, it doesn't make them a "bad" person

• Sometimes you have to go further into something to get closure/know where you stand/know how you feel

• I look younger than I am

• 'Feeling the fear and doing it anyway' is harder than it sounds

• I'm more comfortable with being wrong, or looking silly, than I ever have been

• I don't always practise what I preach

• When you know, you know, and don't let anyone (including yourself) convince you that you don't

• I have a fantastic NHS doctor (not a new lesson)

• It takes me a while to open up, and that's okay (another not new lesson)

• I love an afternoon of batch-cooking

• Flu over Christmas and New Year is the worst

• I'm one of life's feeders/looker-afterers

• It's enough for things to be 'good enough'

• It's okay to feel like you've made a mistake 

• I'd rather try than not

• I'm still finding my balance

• I'm still finding my health

• I can be made speechless

• I can achieve things I thought were impossible for me

• There is always a positive to every negative

• This year has far outweighed my expectations

• I am now sufficiently enough of a grown-up that if I get a bad haircut, I don't cry

• I am not sufficiently enough of a grown-up when it comes to needing help with my CV

• Inside me is a lioness that I am able to tap into more and more

• Life is still an incredible, surprising and wonderful thing (and far too much has happened this year for me to neatly sum it up in these lessons)

What life lessons did 2016 bring for you?

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Remembrance Day 2015: We Will Remember Them

Tomorrow - 11th November at 11:00 - marks the anniversary of the end of World War 1. At 11am the country will go silent for two minutes, in respect and in memory of all who lost their lives.

I had the enormous privilege of singing at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday for the Festival of Remembrance.
As part of the events that mark the anniversary of the end of the First World War a concert is held at the Royal Albert Hall. The choir I sing with were asked to act as a chorus and backing vocals for the incredible and moving selection of music being performed. I have added some behind-the-scenes videos and pictures from the dress rehearsal, which I think show how amazing the event was.

It was an incredibly moving and emotional day; hearing the stories of survivors and the heartbreaking impact of injury, illness and bereavement.

It was also a day of celebration and thanksgiving; a chance to show the strength and resilience our forces have and say thank you to those who put their lives at risk.

On a personal note, it was an emotional day - tissues were needed at times! It also brought home to me the physical progress I have made in the last year. I performed last year in the same concerts, however, it is a very long day - starting at 06:30 and finishing at 22:00. It had been a real struggle to find the energy throughout the day last time around. However, this year, despite working a full week, my stamina held up and I thoroughly enjoyed each moment. It is moments and days like these that bring home and crystallise how far my recovery has come. Often, like on Saturday, I need to be reminded of how far I've come. So I must thank those who are closest to me for helping me digest and celebrate the progress of the last year. It never hurts to look back a little, take stock and appreciate how things can move onwards and upwards!

The efforts and dedication of our armed forces are often taken for granted. Sometimes their human stories are lost. To have the chance to not only see the talent, majesty and truth of these amazing people while being told some of their stories made for a day I will never forget.

In the words of John Maxwell Edmunds - "When you go Home, tell them of us and say, For your Tomorrow, we gave our Today”

We will remember them.

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Tower of London Poppies

Today I finally managed to see the installation of 888,246 ceramic poppies at the Tower of London that have been marking the centenary of the start of World War 1.

If you are unaware of who created the installation and what the sea of red poppies is all about then please read on for an extract from the official website.

"The major art installation Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red at the Tower of London, marking one hundred years since the first full day of Britain's involvement in the First World War. Created by ceramic artist Paul Cummins, with setting by stage designer Tom Piper, 888,246 ceramic poppies will progressively fill the Tower's famous moat over the summer. Each poppy represents a British military fatality during the war.
The poppies will encircle the iconic landmark, creating not only a spectacular display visible from all around the Tower but also a location for personal reflection. The scale of the installation intends to reflect the magnitude of such an important centenary creating a powerful visual commemoration."

Below are some photos I took while visiting this incredible and moving sight.

If you can get to the Tower of London before they remove the installation then I urge you to do so. It is a powerful and evocative sight. The mass of poppies deftly show the scale of the loss while creating a resonant and iconic image. I believe the artists have managed to create both a visually stunning and touching commemoration to the lives that were lost during World War 1.

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