Reflections - things I learned from 2016

Here is the second instalment of my 'Reflecting on 2016' series. If you didn't catch the first one, listing some of my favourite things click here, and if you want to read my life lessons from 2015, and see if I repeat any (I did have to check myself) then click here...

• Being a student isn't all laughter and hanging out with your mates

• Being a student isn't all studying and hanging out in the library

• You can't make yourself feel more for someone than you do, however much you may want to

• Grief can hit you out of the blue

• I don't like my family living in different countries

• Change is good

• I'm learning to love LinkedIn

• My intuition/gut instinct is spookily correct

• Law degrees are hard work

• Goodbyes are never easy

• I somehow know enough about make-up that I got offered a job at Space NK on a window-shopping trip

• Just because someone has done a "bad" thing, it doesn't make them a "bad" person

• Sometimes you have to go further into something to get closure/know where you stand/know how you feel

• I look younger than I am

• 'Feeling the fear and doing it anyway' is harder than it sounds

• I'm more comfortable with being wrong, or looking silly, than I ever have been

• I don't always practise what I preach

• When you know, you know, and don't let anyone (including yourself) convince you that you don't

• I have a fantastic NHS doctor (not a new lesson)

• It takes me a while to open up, and that's okay (another not new lesson)

• I love an afternoon of batch-cooking

• Flu over Christmas and New Year is the worst

• I'm one of life's feeders/looker-afterers

• It's enough for things to be 'good enough'

• It's okay to feel like you've made a mistake 

• I'd rather try than not

• I'm still finding my balance

• I'm still finding my health

• I can be made speechless

• I can achieve things I thought were impossible for me

• There is always a positive to every negative

• This year has far outweighed my expectations

• I am now sufficiently enough of a grown-up that if I get a bad haircut, I don't cry

• I am not sufficiently enough of a grown-up when it comes to needing help with my CV

• Inside me is a lioness that I am able to tap into more and more

• Life is still an incredible, surprising and wonderful thing (and far too much has happened this year for me to neatly sum it up in these lessons)

What life lessons did 2016 bring for you?

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/Recovering_Life
Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
Email - yourlifeinrecovery@gmail.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Recovering.Life

Christmas - Help to get through the festive season

(Please excuse the ridiculous screenshot!)

A short film with guidance on coping during the festive season.

Blog post with more information: http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/merry-christmas-from-life-in-recovery.html

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” Dr Seuss - How The Grinch Stole Christmas!

I really hope you enjoy watching the videos and that they can help you or someone you know. I would love to hear from you if you have anything you would like to say.

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/Recovering_Life
Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
Email - yourlifeinrecovery@gmail.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Recovering.Life

Are making New Year's Resolutions the healthiest way to start your year?

I didn't want the first week of 2014 to pass without writing something about people's fixations for making New Year's Resolutions every year. Don't mistake me in thinking that I'm a cynical and pessimistic kind of person, New Year's Resolutions are a great way to embrace the new year with a list of the things you really want to achieve, work on, experience etc. However, when did it become socially unacceptable to not make resolutions? 

At the beginning of every year the inevitable question is asked by others "So what are your New Year's Resolutions this year?" and the general consensus if your answer is "I'm actually not making any resolutions this year" is that you either aren't ambitious, steadfast, future-thinking or motivated enough or you are depressed about the new year. These may be partly true or all true, you may be dreading the year ahead or you may not want to or feel the need to change anything in your life. On the other hand your aims for the coming year may not be as clear and concrete in your mind as in others. You may just have a general idea of where you would like to be in your life. Just because you haven't sat down and plotted out this next year doesn't mean you don't have hopes and dreams of the future. It doesn't mean that you are blindly entering 2014 with no direction. It doesn't mean that you are accepting that you can't get better/be better/feel better. It doesn't mean part of you has thrown in the towel or is apathetic about life. And it doesn't make you any worse than other people who have made New Year's Resolutions.

Another point that comes to mind when thinking about New Year's Resolutions involves the words 'pressure' and 'fail.' Does it really help people live happy and fulfilling lives for there to be so much pressure surrounding keeping New Year's Resolutions? Being branded or branding yourself as a failure if you don't manage to attain all your resolutions for the year is such a negative cycle to get into. Doing a quick search online for statistics in relation to New Year's Resolutions there are numerous articles and lots of research into how many people achieve all the goals they set themselves at the beginning of the year. A study in 2007 at Bristol University found that 88% (out of the 3000 involved) did not keep their resolutions, other statistics suggest as little as 8% of people who make resolutions actually succeed in their target. Articles giving advice on being successful in achieving them are generally titled along the lines of 'Why New Year's Resolutions fail. Here's how not to fail yours.' and 'Only ...% of people succeed in their New Year's goals. Our advice on how to be one of them.' The articles may be fantastic and may contain lots of useful tips and advice on keeping to your goals but it does create a sense that there's an 'us' and a 'them' scenario. Of the people who make resolutions there becomes two groups, those who 'fail' and those who 'succeed.'

I think a more healthy way of approaching New Year's Resolutions is to keep any ideas achievable and more general. For example instead of saying that you would like to run this year's London Marathon in under 6 hours why not make it that you would like to just run more. Or instead of setting a target to cut out dairy, wheat and sugar from your diet you could make it a little more flexible by cutting down on them by not buying cakes or cheese with your usual shopping or just eliminating one of them as a more manageable goal. I think the most important thing to do is to not think that it's the be-all and end-all to set and achieve New Year's Resolutions. A few little targets are a great thing to keep in mind throughout the year as a motivational tool but not as a way to beat yourself up or make yourself feel like an underachiever or failure. In conclusion, if you're going to make New Year's Resolutions this year then try to make them more realistic and attainable. Having someone who knows what it is you want to achieve can be a helpful thing or doing something as a joint resolution can be a more fun and fulfilling pursuit than going solo.

Whatever your wishes and goals for 2014 I hope that it's a wonderful year for you all.

Merry Christmas from Life In Recovery: Help coping during the Festive Season

I would like to wish you all a very happy Christmastime. If you are spending this festive season with your friends and family then I hope you manage to enjoy their company to the fullest.

For my household this is an extra special Yuletide as we are spending time together and are all the healthiest and heartiest for over a decade.

With so many years and anniversaries spent unwell I am well aware that this time of year can prove hard for people who are not at their full health. Whether you can't travel to meet family, leave your bed to join in with the festivities around you or get stuck in with the whirlwind of activity surrounding this period I really hope and wish that you are able to feel some of the love and good wishes from your nearest and dearest. 

I also understand that not everyone will have their loved ones with them and because of this Christmas can feel a lonely, frightening and isolating time. Also with lots of people coming together over the next couple of weeks there may be the odd clash of personalities or egos. When there are simmering tensions between people it can make the time rather awful and you go around walking on eggshells. My only advice is to not feel you are responsible for everyone else's happiness and that if there are problems that need resolving to allow them to be aired as in the long run it's a much healthier thing than to suppress any niggling issues. Pushing things down inside you, letting things fester and quietly seething about such-and-such/so-and-so is not the way to find peace within yourself or with others. It may be an uncomfortable experience to be open about things with others but try to be honest about how things are affecting you.

If you are dreading Christmas and New Year this year for any reason (be it for health, family or lifestyle reasons) then I hope that this message might help you feel less alone. I was in a rather poor state health-wise this time last year and if things can improve for me then they can improve for you too.

Please feel free to leave a comment below if you feel there is anything you can contribute to this short post whether it's advice, personal experiences or just a hello. I have found a few articles online that address specific issues around coping during Christmas. Here are the links.

Bereavement: http://www.cruse.org.uk/about-grief/Christmas

Cancer: http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/about-cancer/cancer-questions/coping-with-christmas-when-you-have-cancer

Divorce or Separation: http://familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/coping-with-holidays/coping-with-christmas-when-your-divorced-or-separated/

Depression and Stress: http://www.webmd.boots.com/depression/guide/christmas-depression-stress

Christmas alone: http://www.webmd.boots.com/depression/features/lonely-this-christmas

Eating disorder: http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/about-eating-disorders/coping-at-christmas/

M.E./CFS and Fibromyalgia: http://www.cortjohnson.org/blog/2013/11/26/surviving-holidays-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-fibromyalgia-how/

Again I wish you a Happy Christmas 2013 wherever you are and whoever you are with.

10 Things I want to do this Festive season

I am very excited to be able (health-wise) to make a list of what I would ideally like to do in December this year. I'm especially happy about it as there's a real chance I'm going to be able to achieve all 10 of them by January 1st! I haven't been this well for 11 years and I'm embracing this time of year to the full. Here's a short and provisional list:

1. Make mulled wine
2. Go ice skating - preferably at Somerset House or the British Museum
3. Sing some Christmas Carols
4. Go to a Christmas Market
5. Pick some wild mistletoe 
6. Toast marshmallows on an open fire
7. Attend Midnight Mass at cathedral - should be an incredibly festive atmosphere and a way to fulfil no. 3!
8. Go out for New Year's Eve
9. Spend lots of time with my family and friends
10. Look forward with genuine excitement and interest (and without dread/despondency/apathy) to 2014