Life In Recovery: social

Near where I live there’s a very nice organic, home-made, yoga lifestyle sort of café. In essence it should be the kind of place I’d be naturally drawn to and want to frequent.
However, I don’t.
In fact when I pass it, as I do almost daily, I scuttle by and try to ignore its siren call. Why? Is the coffee awful? Or are the owners rude? Is it dirty/smelly/noisy? No.
The issue isn’t with the café itself it’s with the people who choose to eat and drink there. It’s a yummy-mummy hangout which is fine in itself but the problem is that all these women seem to talk about is how, "Mrs F looked rough this morning", "Miss B is having trouble with the boyfriend" or that, "Mr and Mrs T are struggling financially". You can’t escape the conversations, however hard you try not to hear them.

The first time I visited the café I very nearly walked over to the circle of gossiping women to point out that maybe their ‘friend’ was having so much trouble because, instead of trying to be there for her, they were choosing to spend their time ripping her life to pieces instead. The phrase “With friends like these, who needs enemies” hits the nail on the head.

I have stood on tube platforms, been in a queue or looked up from chatting with friends and received one of those up-and-down looks from another woman where you’re made to feel about as small and welcome as a cockroach. The American’s call it giving someone the ‘stink eye.’ This sums it up nicely. It’s hugely rude, disrespectful and hurtful to be judged purely on the way you look or just because you happen to be a fellow woman who might be competition.

However, it’s not just us as individuals who seem to enjoy bitching and sniping about other women; the media adds fuel to the already blazing fire by publishing articles that pit one woman against another.
Did so-and-so wear it better? Is what’s-her-face the new ‘it’ girl? Ms X dethrones Ms Z as the new princess of pop/queen of our hearts/fashionista/media darling.
It’s a human version of cock fighting.
Yet instead of realising how barbaric, demeaning and destructive this trend for setting women against each other is we, as a society and a sex, are in the thick of the crowd egging the fight on!

I’m not asking that all women should link arms and walk off into the sunset together; that’s not realistic. We will have our differences and disagreements - that’s part of being individuals. All I ask is that we stop perpetuating a hate and vitriol-filled society where we seem to take pleasure from other people’s pain. Where we revel and crow over our neighbour’s failings and misfortunes.

My wish is that we can accept other, respect choices, support our friends in rough times and not judge a book by its cover. My wish is that we can enjoy each others successes, not view people as a threat, or someone to 'take down' and that we can be confident enough in ourselves to build up and boost those around us.

Someone once said “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself”.

Do you feel the same way (as a man or as a woman)? Have you been on the receiving end of one of those 'stink eyes'? Do you feel that the media pit women against each other one minute and then berate the women who do "compete"?

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What is the best word to describe the opposite of illness? Health, wellness, being disease free are all great options to use. However, what if you’re not exactly ‘well’ and also not entirely ‘unwell’? I would imagine the words recovering, recuperating and healing might come to mind. But what does it really mean to experience them? Everybody knows what being well means and, unfortunately, many people also know what ill health involves however when you are going through a recovery process that can be months or years long it is harder to quantify. Obviously people’s experiences will all differ in many things but I'm going to try to cover some of the important things you may encounter if you are slowly regaining health after chronic illness. I felt moved to write this as I am experiencing exactly this phase and have come across many things that I didn't realise would be involved in recovery and many subtle elements that can all add up to make you feel overwhelmed, lost, tired, frustrated and a multitude of other unpleasant feelings that are not beneficial to overall good health.

· Bruises – Six months on and I am still picking up bruises very easily. My guess would be that my body simply isn't used to going through the motions of everyday life yet. My knees and feet seem to always have bruises over them. Some people recommend rubbing arnica onto fresh bruises to speed up healing. I haven’t found a way to stop getting bruised (apart from never going near anything ever again!) but I think once my body has adjusted it won’t happen so much.

· Forgetting to take your medication (for people who self-administer) – I found this happened to me for the first couple of weeks after I came out of hospital. When you’re an inpatient you have very set times for taking medication and a nurse will bring you them so there’s no chance of missing a dose. However once you’re home there’s usually no constant reminder. Obviously it’s very important to take anything you have been prescribed but I think it’s also important to take medication/supplements at the same time each day so your body can maintain it’s equilibrium more easily. Initially I set an alarm for each of the medicines I was taking (as I take them at different times throughout the day/night) and once I got into a good routine I stopped the alarm system and I haven’t missed a dose since! For those of you not so technologically minded then a note by the side of your bed may work or one by your kettle/toothbrush/front door may help to jog your memory.

· Blisters and general feet issues – This has been one of those problems that I had never considered. I was bed-bound/bedridden for years and once I was starting to walk again I found that my feet couldn't tolerate shoes for a while. I wore slippers and then moved onto pumps and then trainers to help with support and comfort while getting used to walking again. Blisters and cuts were and still are a problem. When you haven’t walked for a long time your feet lose their calluses and hardened skin. Those of you who spend hours moisturising your feet to get them baby soft in the summer months will probably be wrinkling your noses in disgust but that tougher skin is there for a reason. The parts of your feet that get the most pressure and wear need to be harder than the rest of the skin on your body. I found a good way of speeding up the calluses forming was to apply surgical spirit (rubbing alcohol) to the areas needed. The blisters are unavoidable but I have found that putting blister plasters over them is the most comfortable way to cushion them so that you don’t stop walking because of the discomfort. I tried many different types of plasters, bandages and surgical-grade dressings but the hands-down winner has to be Compeed blister plasters. The most important thing is to not stop walking when you are trying to relearn things like gait, pacing etc. Putting progress on hold while waiting for blisters to heal will only makes things more difficult and also the chances are you’ll immediately get another blister when you restart. I'm afraid it’s another case of grin and bear it or make that - slap a Compeed plaster on them and keep going!

· Changes in the outside world and adjusting to life at a new level – this may seem like an obvious thing but I found that when I started getting out and about more I realised just how out of touch with the world I had become. There are so many seemingly inconsequential shifts that you become aware of that can create a feeling of disorientation and like you are in an unfamiliar environment that doesn't help you integrate. After my discharge from hospital I noticed things like plants that had been barely out of the ground when I had last been well were now great big trees, buildings had disappeared or been built, shops had moved locations. The list goes on! There were also the slightly more practical things that I had to get used to. I live in London and hadn't used an Oyster card before, being driven in a car at 50-70 mph felt like a white knuckle ride, getting back in touch with old friends, finding my way through the world of social media. I also found going into shops with their range of products quite overawing and I struggled to make decisions and choices. I am still finding that having not been in the loop for so many years in relation to current affairs, music, films, media news etc. can contribute to a sense of isolation or separation from your peers. Some of the new things are lovely like a lot of the ‘firsts’: first time you travel by yourself, first meal in a restaurant, first time you brush your teeth, first meal you prepare on your own, first bath… However if you are feeling a little vulnerable (which you understandably would be) then all these adjustments can take their toll. I'm still experiencing firsts and attuning and adapting to my surroundings and new life but I think with time and the right people surrounding you that you will be able to absorb and digest all these changes and not feel disrupted or disturbed by them so much.

· Rollercoaster of emotions – just because you may be feeling physically and/or mentally better doesn't always mean that you are going to be happy and smiling all the time. The process of recovery is a long, hard road and there are going to be bumps along the way. Please don’t be disheartened or concerned if you spend some time crying your eyes out or feeling very angry, hurt, guilty or confused. What I have found is that once your whole ‘self’ realises that things are looking up it’s almost as though something inside says “Okay, I can relax now, I don’t need to bottle all these emotions up anymore” Or in other words the barriers or walls you may have built up inside yourself so you could survive the worst times during your illness are starting to crumble. It may feel awful and you may feel as though you are lost at sea but in the end it will help you heal more completely if you can express and consciously feel those emotions.

· Pacing activity and managing fatigue levels – I really think this deserves it’s own piece as it’s a tricky thing to address concisely because pacing is a very unique and particular thing to do and fatigue can be pretty subjective. However, from my experience I would say that recovering from anything be it an operation, a bereavement, a heart attack, a chronic condition like cancer needs care, self-love, understanding and a holistic approach. This includes pacing yourself and managing fatigue as best as you can. Somebody like an Occupational Therapist is very useful at helping guide you through increasing your activity and trying to assess fatigue states.

· Family and friends - having enough support from friends, family, the community and the medical profession is vital and it’s sometimes the only thing that keeps you upright. You may be surprised by who is there to help you. I would like to address how best to access after-care in another article as it can be a huge problem.

· Perspective - If your period of ill-health has lasted years or decades then how can you expect to attain good health in a matter of weeks or months? Keeping some perspective and remembering how far you have come is essential in recuperating as fully as you can.

These are just some of the points that I have learned on my journey towards health. I really hope that this article has helped you either during your recovery or to understand what someone else at this stage may be experiencing. I would like to put one last thing down in a hope that just one person reading this can learn where I have tripped up many times and that is that being kind to oneself, not getting frustrated and keeping expectations to a realistic level is essential when you are trying to navigate the rocky road to recovery. To anyone recovering from a long-term condition I salute you! Well done for getting through the worst intact and here’s to the light at the end of the tunnel. To anyone still in the depths of ill health I would like to say there is hope even if you think “Pah! What do they know?” there is hope. I believe in Cicero’s maxim ‘Where there’s life there’s hope.’

How to get in touch:

YouTube - http://t.co/CGZBkZnWU2
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/Recovering_Life
Blog - http://yourlifeinrecovery.blogspot.co.uk/
Email - yourlifeinrecovery@gmail.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Recovering.Life

Pages

Saturday, 15 July 2017

Month In Review: JUNE 2017

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Thursday, 8 May 2014

Realities of Recovery: Navigating the sometimes treacherous waters of recovery

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